Prelude
by Danaeyl Panthernopaeus
Summary: Krad is dumped at Cross Academy and is slowly losing his mind and never really had much of a will to live, thanks to his family. All he wants is a friend. Reader discretion is advised as there are some scenes that reflect torture and insanity. Two-shot. Story progress: COMPLETE.
1. Prelude

**~Prelude~**

**Author:  
**Danaeyl Panthernopaeus.

**Theme:  
**Alternate Universe, Crossover.

**Storyline:  
**Just promise one thing.

**Disclaimer:  
**Everything of and referring to DNAngel and Vampire Knight _do not_ belong to me. This is a fan-based, non-profit story.

**Author's Note:  
**Dedicated to a friend that adores the prospect of Kaname and Krad having a relationship of any sort. This is for you, Constance. This was also an idea I was kicking around for a little while but didn't want to post it without a reason.

Mentions of torture, some language, mentions of violence. Implied rape if you squint.

* * *

My 'father' was talking but I ignored him. I always did, unless he was saying something of importance but that was very rare. I didn't care what he had to say to justify him or the rest of the family for dumping me at that school. I glared at him. What right did he have to act all _nice_ and _fatherly_ with me? He had none. No right whatsoever. I wasn't going to argue with him, though. I didn't argue with anyone. Most of the time, I just glared and hoped that it got the message across.

Once upon a time, I was known as Krad Hikari. No one used that name when speaking about me, anymore. I was now referred to as either the 'Hikari curse' or the 'Hikari demon'. I hadn't understood it at first but as I got older, it made sense. Every once in a blue moon, figuratively, a Hikari child was born with my colouring. And apparently, those in the family before me were known for going a little insane and killing most of them. With the way I was treated…I didn't want to think about it. I wasn't stupid enough to not believe them; I could feel the evil inside of me. I could feel the bloodlust that came with it. I could feel the creeping blackness that wanted to take over my mind and control me in every way possible.

The man that was half responsible for my being alive continued to talk as though he couldn't sense the hatred I was projecting towards him. Of course, it wasn't that I hated the man I was forced to call my father. I hated myself. I hated being alive. I hated my life. I hated being me. If I could give it all up and kill myself, I would've done it years ago. Perhaps when I turned thirteen and found out what they meant when they referred to me by those names that had stung me so badly when I was younger. I wasn't given that luxury, though. No. The cursed demon had to continue to live out its pathetic life. Desperately clawing to keep its sanity. If not for the fact that I was a pureblood and my scent told others that I was, they would've easily mistaken me for a Level E.

I lowered my eyes to my white joggers at that thought. Maybe I could find a way of having someone mistake me as one and get them to kill me. If they were a vampire, they would probably be killed for assassinating a pureblood, even a curse like me. They wouldn't ever know how grateful I would be to them, though. There was nothing in that world that I wanted more than to just die. Have someone remove my heart, set me on fire, lock me in a chest and drop my remains at the bottom of the ocean. That was my wish. That was what I dreamt of every night. That was what I hoped for everyday. No one knew that, however. I never wrote it down and I never spoke it. My mind was so jumbled that no one, not even another pureblood, could read it and come out sane.

I raised my eyes to the night sky. It was late evening and I was getting bored of the walk to meet the chairman and the other pureblood at the school. In one hand, I carried a duffle bag, filled with my paints and brushes. In the other, my suitcase. The limited amount of belongings that I owned, since my family believed that a demon like me should be shunned and not shown much, if any, attention. They made their love obvious with the months I was forced to go without any sort of substance. The months I was forced to not have any contact another being. Or if I was allowed contact, I would silently wish that I hadn't gotten it. Three or five months it would last for. It had crushed me as a child as I didn't know what I'd done wrong. I wouldn't let them see me cry, though. When I was first locked away when I was six, I had cried and begged them to release me from the shackles that bound me to a wall. After that, they could go to hell. I wasn't going to show them my weakness again and damn them if they thought they could break me. After I was released for the first time, they never heard me talk again.

I levelled my head and looked through my hair. I'd had it restyled recently so that it parted in the middle and I had two thick wisps, longer than the rest of my fringe, falling in front of my 'demon eyes'. That's what my great-great-grandmother had called them when she first saw me at the age of five. I always knew I didn't respond well to discipline and didn't listen to orders well but that had hurt. I didn't even know who the hell that old bat was and she was already screaming that I had demon eyes, the eyes of a killer that would slaughter its family without a second thought. Back then, I hadn't even thought about it. Now, it was something that breezed through my mind from time-to-time. I enjoyed thinking of the ways I could make them suffer for the hell they put me through. I would never act out on it, though. No, that would prove them right.

I studied the three people that were waiting for us. The pureblood I had met once or twice. I didn't care how often we had seen each other. I found myself not caring for a lot things. The girl, she seemed nice. The man that was with them seemed like an idiot. He grinned at us as we stopped and I just glared at him. He obviously had no idea what he was dealing with, I decided. I had no doubt that he did; my father would've explained my situation to him and I was a little shocked that I was accepted anyway. He was openly friendly but I knew he was ever so slightly guarded about being near me.

My father greeted Kaname first, asking how his family was doing and Kaname answered him. He then greeted the girl and finally the idiot that was meant to be the chairman. I stared up at him, feeling the need to rip his throat out. I blamed it on the creeping blackness that seemed to get stronger anytime I was around my father for large periods of time. I heard the chairman say that I could set up my painting gear in one of the classrooms. My father laughed and said that I should have it around closer, as it helped to stop the insanity from taking over. He placed a hand on my shoulder and I snarled at him, flashing my fangs. The girl squeaked in fear and Kaname moved to stand in front of her protectively. My father removed his hand, looking uncomfortable and I smirked. I had just embarrassed him in front of people and I couldn't believe how happy that made me.

A tense silence fell over us until the chairman broke it, asking my father to accompany him to the office so he could fill out the paperwork. My father nodded and went to hug me. Was he not paying attention a minute ago? I hissed at him and he froze, deciding it would be best if he didn't touch me. The chairman asked Kaname to show me around and the pureblood agreed. He then told the girl, Yuuki, to go about her duties. The girl said goodbye and ran off in the direction that my father and I had come from. I didn't watch her go. I didn't care. I stared at Kaname bleakly, waiting for him to show me to my room so I could set up my shit. He seemed to wait until the others were gone before warning me not to scare Yuuki like that again.

Kaname's aura was almost overpowering and I could sense that he was still holding back. My family might be on friendly terms with his but I wasn't. I was sure the Kuran family had forgotten that the Hikari had a son and that was fine by me but it would appear that Kaname's memory was better than I gave him credit for. With his aura being that powerful, I got a spark of hope. There was a way out of the hell that I was forced to call a life after all. Of course, I had no idea there was another angsty teenager on the grounds that was living just as much of a hell as I was. I smiled at Kaname, pretending to be loyal to his wishes when I wasn't even loyal to my own. Why in the hell would I be loyal to someone I didn't even know? If scaring that Yuuki girl would get me killed, I had something to live for everyday now.

I don't think he believed my smile but the gates opened and he stepped through them, taking me into the dorm. I looked around the elegant building. I wasn't impressed. I was expecting something like that and I guess it showed on my face as Kaname asked if I was feeling homesick. I growled at him and he raised an eyebrow. Going to a boarding school was a blessing in disguise for me. I knew that my family just wanted to get me out of the dungeon and away from them and I wanted to get away from them just as badly. It was a win-win situation and I got the better end of the deal. I wasn't going to be locked up randomly for no reason and starved for months. I wasn't going to be tortured for the fun of it. Sometimes, I wondered if they wanted me to break and go insane just so _they_ could have the pleasure of killing me. It wouldn't surprise me if that was the reason behind it all.

I half-listened as Kaname spoke to me about the rules of the dorms and that I was only allowed the painting gear so I wouldn't go on a killing spree. I guess everyone had heard the rumours about that time I was meant to have wiped out an entire town. I had a good chuckle over that. I was in another country when it happened but I guess it just didn't matter to some people. I couldn't remember if I ever had killed someone. I know I've thought about it; dreamt it. And unless I was a sleepwalker, I doubted that I had hurt anyone. I wasn't a pacifist but I wasn't stupid enough to do something like that.

I stepped into the room that Kaname held the door open to. It was pretty and I dropped my suitcase to the floor, kicking it under the bed. I gently placed my ratty duffle bag on the floor and set up the easel so that I could look out the window and paint whatever I saw. I turned my head to the side and half-smiled at Kaname, my way of thanking him. I turned back to the paintings that were still on the easel, held in place by a large clip. I removed them and tore them in half. I didn't care how beautiful they were or how long it took me to do them. I was sick of seeing them. They reminded me of home and I wanted to forget as much as I could about that torture chamber.

_Christ, is he still here?_ I looked over my shoulder and saw that he was. What was he waiting for? I had no idea but he was watching with amusement as I destroyed the paintings. Some of them had taken me months to complete and it was upsetting that I felt no remorse for what I did to them. If my father had allowed me to bring my lighter, I would've burnt them. I went to remove the painting of an orchard that held blossoming trees, getting ready to fruit for the next season. The sun shone brightly through the flowers and made unique patterns on the ground from the branches and petals. I was going to destroy it until Kaname asked if he could have it. I didn't see what was so special about it, but if he wanted it, fine. I removed it from the clip gently and held it out to him.

Kaname took it from my grasp and studied it. He started admiring it and I paid no attention to him. If he was going to tell me what good talent I had, I didn't want to hear it. If there was anything I was good at, it was painting. I knew it and I didn't need to be reassured of the fact by some other pureblood that had probably studied the history of art. His home was probably filled with delicate pieces, just like mine was. Only mine belonged to the Hikari artists before me. There was talk around the family, from when I would eavesdrop – no one told me a damned thing – that some of the pieces held the very soul of the creator. All of them were the souls of the previous curses.

Kaname left the room and I relaxed. I disliked being around other people, especially other purebloods, for too long. The parties that my family held were torture on their own. Having to deal with other vampires. And somehow, my family seemed to know when the blackness in my mind was at its peak and they held the parties then. I had to commemorate myself on how well I kept myself together during those festivities. They were boring, too. People just mingling; dancing and it seemed impossible they couldn't have done that before a party. There was one good thing about being the Hikari demon – not many people spoke to me during the parties. I knew that no one was aware of the legend and it was my glare that stopped girls and men from approaching me. I think Kaname was the only person that spoke to me during one of them, until I decided to walk away from him, mid-sentence. It wasn't that I was bored with what Kaname was saying; I was just annoyed that someone was talking to me like I wasn't a disgrace.

I stepped around the easel and stared out the window at the owl that was hovering there. It stared back with its large, unblinking eyes. My eyes softened and I stepped up to the window, placing my hand to the cool glass. The owl pecked at the almost invisible barrier between us and I sighed. The story of my life. There was always an invisible barrier between me and something I cared about. The owl flew away and Kaname entered the room again. I watched as the bird left me and I felt my heart sink. For probably the millionth time in my life, I wished I had the ability to sprout wings and take to the sky. Fly away from everything and never look back. Kaname said something but I wasn't listening. I continued to look in the direction that the owl had flown in. Even the wildlife taunted me.

After a few minutes, I turned to Kaname and he repeated what he said. I nodded once and followed him out of the room. He made a mention that my uniform was in the closet and I yawned. I wasn't bored; I was just tired. We walked around the grounds and Kaname pointed out everything I needed to know. As far as I was concerned, I just needed to know where the classes would be held and that was it. He showed me where I could find the chairman's office, just in case I needed to speak to him about something. The tour concluded and we returned to the dorms. The other vampires were back from their classes and they stared at me. I gazed back through my fringe for all of five seconds and went back to the room that I was meant to be sleeping in. I closed the door and continued with destroying the paintings. By the time I was finished, the floor around the easel was littered with torn paper and I sat with my back against the bed, staring at the doors.

I removed the suit jacket I wore and placed it over my body. I wasn't going to sleep in that bed. It wasn't mine and when I thought about it, I never, _truly_, had a bed to call my own. I think I spent more time in chains than I did in my own room. I turned my eyes from the door to the delicate gold and silver bracelet around my left wrist. It, in fact, was a work of art but I hated it. It was one of the reminders of the evil that lurked in me and I knew that everything could sense the confinement power that was around me. The petite flowers made of diamond and topaz were a warning that anyone with that colouring in the Hikari family was going to be the one that adorned that bracelet. The same with the collar and the three earrings in my right ear. With a sigh, I closed my eyes. I doubted things were going to look any better the next day but I could always hope.

* * *

I awoke to the sound of something hitting the window. I forced my eyes open and looked in the general direction of the infuriating noise. I saw the owl was back and got to my feet, my joints cracking into place. Yes, even vampires had some weird sleeping positions that made our joints need to be go back into place when we first wake. I stepped up to the window. The owl hooted, as though pleased with my decision to friend it. _What a strange animal_, I told myself. I took a step backwards and the owl floated back. I raised an eyebrow and took three more paces back. The owl copied. I tilted my head to the side and the owl mirrored it. _A very strange animal_, I concluded.

I slipped on the torn paper and the easel fell on top of me. The owl took flight in the same direction it did the previous night, though it was more leisurely, as someone knocked on my door. I picked myself up and decided I should clean that mess up before I did more damage to myself. I put the easel back on its legs and carefully went over to the door, opening it and staring at the person that had knocked. The blond vampire smiled and said I should start getting ready for class. I inclined my head and closed the door, going over to the closet and staring at the uniform. Thank god it wasn't in black. I pulled it out and laid it on the bed, taking my hair out of the ponytail and brushing it. I plaited it and stripped, slipping into the uniform. I fluffed up my fringe a little and put the shoes on. I stood and straightened the jacket. I felt like a monkey.

Before leaving the room, I casted another glance at the window. The owl wasn't there and I left, closing the door softly behind me. I glanced at Kaname as I saw that he was standing a little down the hallway. I walked past him and froze when he began following me. I wasn't going to have him behind me. Not that I was scared or anything, I just liked knowing I had nothing looking over my shoulder. I stepped to the side and gave him a look that could be read as 'non-cursed purebloods first'. He walked down the stairs and I felt much better as I went down as well. The others warned me about the fan girls that would be waiting outside the gates and that I had better be used to loud screams. So, that was what that noise was. I nodded my head.

Boredom soon took over as I waited. Eventually, Kaname said it was time to go and we headed out. I stayed at the back of the group, wanting to see how the others dealt with it. The one called Aidou smiled and waved, greeting the humans. His fan club squealed. There were whispers as I was seen and I shifted. I didn't like the attention but there was a gaze on me that was resentful. I paused, raised my head and looked at the silver haired boy that was glaring at me. His eyes were tortured as well and I blinked blankly. If it made him happy to hate me, he could do it all he wanted. Chances were he didn't hate me nearly as much as I hated myself. I lowered my eyes to a dark haired girl that stepped up to me. I backed away and continued walking. Yuuki smiled at me as she tried to keep the girls back. At least, I thought it was at me until I saw that she was looking over my head at Kaname.

I watched them and raised an eyebrow. A few of the girls tried to get some information out of me and I just ignored them. I hadn't spoken in a decade and I wasn't going to waste my time on those people who didn't really care about me but decided they were in love with me because of my looks. On the other hand, superficial love was about all I could get now. Suddenly the male prefect cleared his throat and the girls backed away when they looked at him. I glanced at him and saw that he was wearing the black uniform and my suspicions were confirmed. They looked like they were part of Hitler's SS unit. I felt another glare on me and I frowned. What was with all the hate that was being directed at me? It was only my first day attending class. I glared at the person that would dare be so hateful towards me and saw that it was a blond vampire girl. She really didn't want to get on my bad side. Who the hell did she think she was?

I rolled my eyes at her spitefulness. I might not be loved by my family but I was still a god damn pureblood and she would have to accept that. She mouthed the words 'Hikari demon' and I smirked, continuing with the walk to the school building. She could try to push my buttons but they had been pushed so often that I was certain they were broken. I was also certain that I had nothing to feel except disdain towards myself. If that girl wanted to tango with me, she would come out second best. I paid no attention to the pureblood as he stood beside me. I walked on and stopped again when Yuuki called out 'Krad-sempai!' I looked over my shoulder at her and she said she hoped I enjoyed my first day. I gave her a very vague, false smile and bowed at her. I shot Kaname a look that told him not to read any further into what I just did. I didn't want him thinking he had competition for Yuuki's affection.

We got to our class and I stared down at the book in front of me. I wasn't aware of what we were studying but from the title, I got an idea. I sighed silently and stared at the words. They ran into each other or became unfocused as I went into my own world and thought about my idea of a perfect life. I did that a lot, especially recently. The more hatred and fear I received from the family the more I escaped into a world of loving families, where I was accepted and they tried to help me through the curse I never freaking asked for. I never understood how they could hate me – and fear me at the same time – for something that I wasn't responsible for. I never asked to be born with gold hair and eyes. I didn't want to be a killer. I blinked and looked at the teacher as he was explaining something. _Great_, I thought, _I've just missed out on what we're talking about._ I went back to my world, seeing as I couldn't contribute anything to the class.

I was brought of my thoughts as the bell rang. I looked at my notebook and my eyes widened. I had spent the entire class doodling and I randomly managed to drawn all of my classmates being slaughtered by me. I hated my insane mind and hoped that no one had seen it. I ripped it out of the book and threw it into the bin on my way out of the room. I wasn't kept behind for spacing out for the entire time but the blackness was creeping in. I looked around once I was outside and made my way back to the dorm, like the others were, except Kaname. He was going somewhere else and I didn't care where. I wasn't his baby-sitter and he was a grown pureblood.

I entered the dorm behind the others and saw they were sitting down, enjoy what looked like raspberry cordial. I blinked and tilted his head as they offered a glass with water in it. My eyes flashed my thanks and I took it upstairs. I didn't care what they were adding to it, I just needed the water to clean my brushes in. They called after me but I ignored them. It seemed it was going to take them a while to realise that I just don't care. The less I take care of my body, the better I feel. I placed the glass on the ground and opened my duffle bag, pulling out my brush box, as immaculate as it was. If anything, my family got me the best brushes. I grabbed two handfuls of paints, not caring which colours they were – the less I knew the more of a challenge it was – and opened the box, pulling out a medium brush. I picked up one of the tubes and used the ledge of the easel as my palate.

My hand trembled badly as I did wide strokes. I probably should've changed out of my uniform but at that moment, I didn't care what happened to it. If it was anything bad, my father could just pay for a new one. I stared out the window as my hand worked on its own accord. I didn't focus on what was I doing as it was usually a brutal picture that I was mapping out. My hand switched brushes and paint colour and continued. My other hand gripped the side of the easel. It didn't matter what I was doing. It wasn't working as well as it normally did and I got the feeling that it was because of all the vampires around. They were easy prey but my hand didn't stop. It was too late to cease the painting. It stared at my arm as it worked quickly, like it was possessed. There was a knock at the door and I couldn't move. If I were to leave the paper while my hand was going that crazy, I would ruin the uniform. My hand cleaned the brush and grabbed another colour. With my spare hand I snapped my fingers, hoping they would take that as the incentive to enter. It appeared they did.

Kaname entered with something that smelt vile in his hand. I looked at the red water and quickly turned my gaze back to the paper but refused to look at what I was doing. I just hoped that in the paints I grabbed there wasn't a red in there. I took the offered glass and drank the contents, wanting Kaname to get out before he realised that my hand was moving on its own. I had gulped down half the liquid before spitting the other half back into the glass. It wasn't just vile it was…it was…killing whatever I just drank would be a godsend to it. I couldn't get the taste off my tongue. I handed the glass back to him. If they wanted me dead there were more dignified ways of doing it, rather than forcing me to drink that contemptible concoction. That should be more condemned than me.

Kaname told me to finish it and I shot him a glare that said I would rather starve. And it was the truth. I would starve myself rather than deal with…whatever _that_ was. My hand dragged me down to the glass to clean the brush and it reached for another. I was grateful that Kaname was on the other side of the easel and didn't have to see what was being conjured on the paper. He kept insisting that I finish the liquid and I gritted my teeth. He raised an eyebrow. I was _not_ going to finish off that drink that tasted worse than the water I was cleaning my brushes in. If Kaname didn't just take the glass and leave my room, he was going to be wearing that damned drink. He seemed to catch onto what I was thinking as he took the glass and said that I'll get used to it after a little bit. I wasn't planning on _ever_ tasting that again. I was having a hard enough time keeping the half glass in my stomach. I failed.

Three hours later, the painting was complete and I was sitting beside the bed, which had my uniform on it as I was dressed in an oversized cotton, button up shirt and boxers. I stared at the easel. I couldn't see the picture properly but I knew I didn't want to. I had seen some of the things my possessed hand painted and I never wanted to view them again. They were burnt the next day but I was going to have a hard time doing that to those ones. It had helped, at least. The blackness was gone and I had even managed to clean up the mess I made when I vomited up that disgusting liquid. I think it was better coming up than it was going down. I had no idea how in the world the vampires attending that school could do that on a daily basis. The least they could do was get the human students to give up some blood. I shook my head then lent it back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. I would love to paint the Sistine Chapel on it. Add something beautiful to the room. I scoffed at my thoughts.

I guess I would always be like that. Always had to hope for the impossible. Always had to dream a dream that was improbable. In a way, I was a lot like a human, always wanting something I could never have. Always needing something that I just couldn't fully grasp. I closed my eyes and saw memories of when I was four-years-old. They were beautiful; peaceful and loving. Then, just like a changing season, it went to hell. Everything was bleak. The colours I painted with no longer held their life or vibrancy. My eyes were dead. If I weren't a vampire, I was certain that I would've gotten gray skin from how long I was locked away and how long I locked myself away for. Life just sucked. I knew there was nothing I could do about it, except bitch and moan but no one ever listened. They only pretended to and I knew what they were thinking. It was a reason I stopped talking. They didn't care about my cries of anguish and frankly, I didn't blame them. I didn't care about my screams and pleas. I guess I did it just to let it out. I gave a humourless smile as I opened my eyes.

I raised my left hand and studied it. My wrist was aching from the constant movement of painting. The bracelet glowed beneath the shirt, letting me know that the magic of it was in effect. I had no doubt that the earrings were also glowing and I could feel the heat from the collar around my neck. I felt like hell and there was nothing I could do to ease the pain. I decided it would be best if I tried to get some sleep. With the blackness that crept into my mind, I knew I was going to have nightmares. They would wake me every hour but at least broken sleep was better than none. _That's right_, I told myself. _You keep thinking like that and I'm sure one day, the curse will also lift._ I smirked and closed my eyes again. Maybe one day…

* * *

Exactly a week later since my first arrival at that school, I was called into the chairman's office. I was escorted by Yuuki, who said it was just a routine check up to see how I was coping. That was a load of bull. I knew that Chairman Cross just wanted to make sure I wasn't giving in to my urges to kill everyone in sight. It was hard not to, especially since I was getting tired of Kaname forcing me to drink damned liquid. I didn't even understand the point to it. Was it all just a matter of mind? Was I meant to believe that it was blood? Was I meant to be that weak willed? I didn't want a fucking placebo! I took a deep breath to calm myself before I had to deal with the idiot that ran that school. I didn't want to face him agitated.

I could be grateful about one thing: my wrist was no longer aching. I had managed to bury the picture after classes the next night. I still wished I could've burnt it but I didn't want people to think I was a pyromaniac. I guess in a way I could be classed as one. As far as I was concerned, there was no better cleanser than fire and it could sometimes erase everything I wanted to keep hidden. I checked my nails to make sure there wasn't any dirt beneath them. It had taken two showers to remove it, seeing as I had to use my hands as a shovel. I was just happy that no one saw me digging a hole like a dog. Of course, when I returned, my white clothing having spots of black on it, the other vampires wanted to ask questions. Wanted to, but didn't. The only one that did was Kaname and I just ignored him. The way I was ignoring whatever it was that Yuuki was prattling on about.

I gazed at her. She could the ears off corn but she meant well about it all. She never wanted to harm anyone and believed that there was a light in every living being. For a single moment I wished I had her optimism. I wished I could see the world the way she did and then I realised what I was thinking. I _was_ going insane. It was easy to see why Kaname adored her so much and wanted her to be protected. Well, anyone with an IQ would know why he wanted her to be protected. I looked away from her as we arrived at the building where the chairman was waiting for me. Yuuki gave me the directions and bid me a goodnight, returning to her prefect duties. I watched her go and then entered the building, taking the directions. I knocked at the door and waited patiently. Kaname was in there, as well. Eventually, I was granted permission and opened the door.

Kaien grinned at me and offered me a seat. I glanced around the room, half expecting to see shackles somewhere. There was nothing that was going to bind me and I stood beside the chair, not exactly trusting the overly friendly man. He didn't seem to have a problem with it and asked me how I was liking the school. I answered him with a shrug and with feigned hurt told me that I should speak. I wasn't the little mermaid who had lost her voice, he said. I was able to express how I was feeling through words. I kept my temper under control as he continued on that the school wasn't anything like the Hikari family home. What did that man want from me? Did he expect me to change my _entire_ character after only a week at that school? Apparently so.

As he continued on, I stared out the window. My brow creased slightly as I noticed the owl. The same one that visited me every evening before class and stayed around the window until Kaname disturbed me to force me to drink. Well, the other pureblood never forced it down my throat but he wouldn't leave me alone until I had drained the glass of the liquid. As soon as he was gone, it came back up. I might call the vampires at that academy weak willed but they were a lot stronger than I was. They could deal with the effects of those drinks and I couldn't. I wasn't even aware of how Kaname could do it. Still, being starved was nothing new to me. Kaname twitched and the owl took off. I watched it go and Kaien called my name a few times. I blinked and looked at the man, who was looking between me and the window, trying to see what had taken my attention. Again, I shrugged.

Kaien smiled after a few seconds but then went serious and I got a sinking feeling. He pulled out a piece of dirty paper and my heart beat picked up to the pace that would send a human into cardiac arrest. It calmed down as cold rage took over me. I glared at Kaname, blaming it all on him. The pureblood said that he was worried about me and the others, if I was thinking of doing something like that to them. I hadn't seen the picture; I didn't _want_ to see the picture. Something snickered in the back of my mind and I felt the collar constricting, which it probably wasn't in reality. But whenever that calm anger of mine took over, it felt like it was. I didn't want to be calm. I wanted to be furious. At least that way I wouldn't feel that I had to remove the collar. Kaien said that I should probably talk to someone about the problems that I went through as a child, as it could be the result of something traumatic that made me think such horrible things of my classmates.

I ignored the tightening of the collar. I didn't remove my eyes from Kaname. It was his fault. If only he had just minded his own business! If only I was allowed to burn stuff! But it wasn't his fault. It was mine. It would always be my fault. The collar stopped trying to kill me and I spun on my heel, wanting to get away from them and their intervention. I didn't care what they had to say. I would deal with my problems the way I always did; by not letting them get to me. If I ignored something long enough gradually it went away. Granted, that had yet to work on anything I was trying to ignore but that was my philosophy and I was going to stick by it, no matter the cost.

Kaname stopped me from leaving and Kaien adjusted his glasses. I felt like a caged rat. It was a disastrous feeling. All hope was lost. I had nothing to live for. It changed, though as Kaien said that I didn't have to talk to anyone at the school about my painting but just that I spoke to _someone_ about it. What was I going to do? Ring the psychic hotline and see if there was anything in my future that I could look forward to? Call the suicide helpline and ask them to talk me through that difficult time in my life? Or was I meant to call someone, in some random country, and dump my problems on them? I don't think so! I might not be loved by my family but I was still a fucking pureblood! Kaname slightly raised an eyebrow as he seemed to catch onto my thoughts.

The mood got more sour the longer the silence droned on. Finally, Kaien moved the topic to my body rejecting the blood tablets. Blood tablets? Were they joking? Of course they weren't. That stuff didn't taste like any blood I had ever drunk before, and I had been forced to live off pigeon blood. All my pet pigeons were killed because of my hunger and I still remembered that smirk my 'father' gave me when he saw what I'd done. That bastard. I had names for those birds, too. Each and every one of them was different and I could tell them apart. But it didn't matter that I loved them. That I had raised them. That I nurtured for them. That all went down the drain after five months of being starved and he threw me into a locked room with my pets. Those birds were the only creatures that didn't judge me. Cats and dogs hated me. Birds always seemed to be drawn to me and I couldn't understand why. Maybe it was their way of taunting me with their freedom, while I was forced to live a pathetic existence.

I blinked and looked over my shoulder as Kaien was still talking about different possibilities 'we' could do in order for me not to starve. He was on the last one and I hadn't even heard any of the others and I suddenly realised where Yuuki got her talking ability from. Kaien smiled and I nodded. I had no idea what he'd just told me and I couldn't even remember the last thing he said to me. I came to the conclusion that I should probably stop zoning out when people were talking to me. That was going to be a tough habit to break but I figured I could do it. Plus, I just wanted to get to bed. It was late and my body was weak from the lack of nutrients. Sleeping wasn't going to do a damn thing but at least in my dreams – before they morphed into nightmares – I could spend a couple of hours in a happy place.

The chairman said goodnight and allowed me to _finally_ leave his office. I stepped around Kaname and into the hall. I released the breath I wasn't even aware that I was holding and left the building. So much for just a 'routine check up'. I had managed to make an idiot of myself, have them believe I was insane for staring at a freaking owl and thinking that I was homicidal because of a damned painting. I gazed up at the heavens and sighed silently. I would love to go there but if I knew that suicide was a mortal sin, even if I wasn't a mortal. I still abided the laws of that religion. It was the only one that…It didn't matter. I was a little religious but I wasn't a complete nut about it.

I blinked as I continued to stare up at the empyrean. How did Cross become aware of what my family had done to me? I knew there were rumours but there was never any proof to it and my 'father' had put on the whole 'happy family' act. Of course, Kaien would've seen right through that act. My reaction to it would've been enough to let him know that something was amiss. There was no way that he would believe rumours, especially if there was no proof behind them. I wasn't even sure how the rumours had started. Without a doubt probably a maid that was gossiping to a friend. What gave the chairman the right to assume he knew what happened to me in my childhood? Nothing. He had no damned right to make assumptions. I blinked again as something wet hit my eye. It was raining.

The owl hooted and I spun around. It was in a tree, staring at me with large eyes. I walked over to it and climbed up the branches to the one it was perched on. It waddled over to me and my eyes softened as it jumped onto my outstretched hand. I brought it to my face. We shared the same eyes. Large and gold. I pitied the poor bird for having the eyes of a killer. It hooted quietly as if trying to tell me that I wasn't a killer and that I had nothing to worry about. It was a magnificent creature, even in the rain. It didn't seem to have a problem with the water and I let a small, genuine smile grace my lips. The owl hopped up my arm and sat itself on my shoulder. I lent against the trunk and closed my eyes. The rain and the slight ruffle of the feathers were rather soothing.

For the first time in the last eleven years of my life, I felt peaceful. There was no evil in me waiting to break loose. There was no hunger. There was nothing bad in the world. Every piece of my miserable life was blissful. The owl hooted its agreement. Something in the pit of my stomach stirred and I wondered if that was laughter. The perfect moment was ruined as soon as I felt a powerful presence. The owl took flight and I got to my feet. _Wait!_ I called to it in my mind. It was gone, though. I would just have to wait until the next night to see it again. I wondered why it didn't like Kaname. Sure, he was a scary creature but there was no reason for animals to fear the pureblood. I didn't see Kaname as the type of person to harm animals. Of course, I couldn't see me _actually_ slaughtering my family but that was the Hikari lore. I stared after the owl as the harsh reality came crashing back to me.

Kaname called up to me and I ignored him. I still didn't understand why they bothered trying to get my attention. I wasn't going to give it to them. He called to me again and I looked down at him. He told me we should head back to the dorm. I skilfully made my way down the tree and walked behind the other pureblood back to the dormitory, the owl still on my mind. It wasn't the normal breed for that area. In fact, I was certain that that breed of owl shouldn't even be in the country. Was it a figment of my imagination? Did that owl represent everything in me that I no longer felt? Freedom, happiness, fear and love? Fuck it! I was going to find that damn owl! I turned and ran in the opposite direction, paying no attention to Kaname as he asked where I was going.

I ran. At vampiric speed and without proper nourishment, I was slower than usual but my damned drive pushed me to my limit. I would run until the sun rose if it meant finding that owl. I had to make sure that I wasn't going insane. That owl was real! And damn it, I was going to make sure it was! The rain was heavier and I sensed that I was being followed. It wasn't Kaname, though. Probably the male prefect. I came to a sudden halt when I realised that I was heading towards the edge of school grounds. I slipped in the mud and searched through the trees. I picked myself up. The dirt that was on my face ran onto my clothing, staining it slightly with the water. My body trembled and I still couldn't see any sign of the bird. It was almost like it had never existed. There were no nests, not little mouse carcasses. There was nothing. I was going crazy and not in a good way.

I was right about the male prefect, though. He told me to return to the dorm and like with everyone else, I ignored him. Where could it possible be? Where? There was a voice inside of my head that wasn't entirely mine, telling me that I should keep running until the sun came up. It told me to keep running until I could no longer stand; until my feet were bleeding. I told it to shut up. My main concern was finding that owl that no one else seemed to see. No one even mentioned it. I hadn't seen it in the forest on our way to meet Kaien and the others on my first night. It appeared after my 'father' left. Was that something he sent to continue to torment me?

The prefect ordered me to return to the dorm again. I gazed at him and nodded. I was too tired to go jumping through trees and looking in weird places, anyway. He followed me back to the Moon Dorms and for once, I didn't feel uncomfortable having someone behind me. Maybe it was because my mind was fixated on what that owl was. It seemed like a regular bird to me but I was so lonely, it could've been anything. It could've been a demon in disguise and I would've wanted it to be my friend. Right now, I would take the devil as my friend as long as it meant that I had someone I could kind of connect with. I entered the door and sloshed my way up to my room, shooting an apologetic glance at the others for the mess. I collapsed on the floor beside the bed, which I still had yet to sleep in. I closed my eyes and within seconds, I fell asleep.

* * *

Three weeks later, everything was still the same. Except one thing. The very first sound any of the vampires heard from me was the scream that had woken them all from their slumber. Yeah. I screamed, long and loud. The pitch of it actually rattled the glass in their panes but that wasn't the point. It wasn't a manly yell of surprise or anything like that. It was a scream one would expect to hear a girl in a horror movie produce. A month and that would be the first memory they had of my vocals. I would be embarrassed but I had every damned right to scream like a girl that was being chased by a mummy or something equally hideous. And again, one would think that vampires didn't have phobias and on that note, I was tortured by my family. I did have phobias; I had _a lot_ of them. None of them were as bad as my phobia of eight legged freaks.

Yes, I had a major phobia of spiders. My reactions varied but they always ended with me cowering in a corner somewhere, trying not to cry. It didn't matter what size they were or if they were dead. Any form of spider had me choking for air and it resurfaced memories that I had long tried to bury in the recesses of my mind. The memory of when my grandmother cast an illusion on herself. She had the lower body of a black widow and her mouth was deformed, giving her fangs and jagged teeth. That one wasn't nearly as bad as the memory of when I had buckets of spiders thrown onto my half-starved, naked and shackled body. The feeling of their feet crawling all over me. The little hairs of their legs pricking my skin and catching the fine hairs on _my_ body. Of them sinking their little fangs into my flesh. My mouth opened in screams of torment until they would crawl in there, forcing me to spit them out only from them to come running back. Tears of fear running down my cheeks. They crawled _everywhere_; in my ears, up my nose and around my anatomy. I threw up anything that was in my stomach just from the feeling of them. They expelled their web on me until I actually passed out.

And whenever I saw one, I could feel it all. I could feel them scurrying over my body. I could feel their web sticking to my skin. It was like I was back in the dungeon and I was chained to the wall, again. I willed myself not to vomit. I wasn't going to do that. There was nothing in my stomach anyway. I ran to the corner opposite from the one that the spider was crawling up. I didn't care that it was half-dead and was _dragging_ its body up the wall. It was alive enough to move! I drew my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around my head, trying not to think of the way it felt. Trying to remind myself that I wasn't there anymore and that there was nothing on me. I was helpless. I was hopeless. I was _pathetic_. I didn't deserve the title of pureblood because there was no way _any_ pureblood would act the way I had. No pureblood would be caught dead in the foetal position. But I was. My eyes kept going back to the spider and I could feel tears stinging my eyes. They wouldn't fall. I wasn't going to let them. I was already showing the other pureblood and vampires that I was disgrace just by rocking myself in a corner, staring at a spider that couldn't do any damage to me. A spider that was on the brink of death already.

The doors were opened and I could feel all their eyes on me. They were all anxious, awaiting the monster they thought would scare a pureblood like me into cowering. One of them, most likely Kaname, noticed what I was staring at and told one of the others to get rid of it and ordered the rest to get back to bed. My heart pounded in my chest and I gripped my hair. I could feel my skin prickling, as though they were on me. Sweat formed on my brow and my breathing was laboured. Did I care that I had been seen scared out of my wits by a harmless spider? No, I didn't. If I cared about my image or the image of my 'family', I would've splattered the critter with a shoe. I would've conducted myself some sort of dignity. I wouldn't have screamed. I wouldn't have ran. It didn't matter to me. I didn't care what the others thought of my reaction. They didn't know. No one did. No one would ever understand. I was alone in the fight to keep my sanity. No one knew how much it meant to me. They all took theirs for granted.

A strong but comforting hand was on my shoulder and I tried to compact myself even more. I didn't want their pity. I didn't want their comfort or their kind words. I just wanted someone to kill me so I could get out that bleak plain of existence I had to call life. There were soft words being whispered but it didn't help, like I knew it wouldn't. Or…were they? Slowly, my eyes left the spot on the wall where the spider had previously been and looked into calm, wine coloured ones. Mine kept darting to the same spot, though. I just knew it was a trick. It would be back and there would be hundreds more. All of them just waiting to climb over my body. Why was Kaname _still_ in the room? Shouldn't he be getting sleep for class? It wasn't any of my business but I assumed it was part of his duties as dorm president to make sure that the residents were looked after.

Caring hands gently, but firmly, took hold of mine and coaxed my fingers to let go of their iron grip in my gold strands. I didn't even realise that my body was trembling. I glanced at Kaname's soothing eyes. He didn't understand, either. He was just trying to stop me from freaking out the other students. The story of my life, as well. Make sure I don't upset anyone else. He asked if I was okay and I nodded. A total lie and he knew it. Well, if he knew so much about me, why even ask that stupid question in the first place? It was a question that always annoyed me to no end. If it was obvious that they weren't okay, why ask it? He then inquired if I wanted to talk about it and my fear died off. It was replaced with anger and I pushed him away from me. He looked perplexed for a second before he stood and nodded, heading towards the door. Before exiting, he paused and said that if I ever wanted to talk, he would listen. I rolled my eyes as the door was closed. It wasn't the first time I had heard that.

I got to my feet and stumbled my way over to the window, waiting for the owl to return. I found it sad that a bird was my only friend in a world where I was surrounded by people of my own kind. I found it even sadder that my raging insanity was what was keeping me sane. Even if that owl was only a figment of my imagination, it worked for me. It gave me some hope. It lit a path for me. A path that no one else had been able to do. I stayed by the window for the next hour, behind the curtain. It was time to get dressed for class and I did so. I brushed my hair and put it up in a high ponytail. I faltered for a second as I reached for the white ribbon that was always in my hair; the same with the silver cross that hung at the tips. My mother had started putting the ribbon in my hair when I was three. It was always a memento of her. She had been kind to me. But then she was killed when I was nine. I picked up the ribbon and did it in a bow. Yeah, I know, gay.

I pulled the shoes on and glanced at the window again. The owl still wasn't there and my lips parted in a sigh that wasn't heard. I guess it was really scared as I had only seen it twice after that incident in the tree. I left the room and paused as I heard the voices of the other vampires. They were talking about me. I knew it was going to happen. Did it make what they were saying hurt any less? You bet it did. I had heard it all before, from the mouth of the man that was meant to love me like I was his own. From the mother of that man that was meant to shower with gifts and love because I was her _only_ grandchild. The next breed of Hikari died with me and I was grateful for that. I didn't want any other Hikari to go through what I had to deal with. That was selfish.

I hung around upstairs, not wanting to go down. It was interesting to know what they _truly_ thought of me, considering none of them had the balls to say it to my face out of fear of what I might do to them. That and it was beaten into their skulls to respect purebloods, even the cursed ones. Their chatter was silenced with a single word from Kaname and I pouted slightly. It had been fun listening to them. I liked knowing how people saw me. And as I expected, most people saw me as a monster that would kill their children if they so much as _looked_ at me. I never played it up and I never played it down. Let them think and say what they wanted of me. Who was I to stop them? Most of the crap that went around the family had been started by my great-great-grandmother or my 'father'.

I joined the rest of them downstairs and immediately questions were fired at me if I was okay and how my throat was doing. I glared at them and they shut up, chatting quietly among themselves. I was beginning to understand why Zero – yes, I learnt his name – hated vampires so much. We really were two-faced parasites. We were the wolf in sheepskin. We could claim to be perfection as much as we wanted but were we really? Our beauty was only matched by angels, sure. Our abilities were _almost_ unmatched. But so what? What good did that do us? We got to show off our superiority. Yeah, because that's a good way to win the people over. Wasn't that what Hitler tried doing?

I didn't even realise I was staring at Kaname's friend, Ichijou until the vampire moved; shifted nervously. I stopped chewing my lip and blinked. I was very aware of how odd it would've looked with me practically eating my lip while staring at him. It was something I did often, stare off into the distance and chew my lip as I thought. I was sure that the less calm and collected purebloods did it. And hell, I didn't have much training in that department. I got five years and that was it. Maybe five a half, with the months I had free and was well enough then my mother would continue teaching me.

Kaname announced it was time to head out and we did. Again, I was at the back of the group, instead of trying to hide behind one of the other vampires. It was how I had managed to avoid the fan girls but this time, I wasn't going to cower. I think I had done that enough for one day. We walked out and I regretted my choice. The girls surrounded me. They told me they hadn't seen me in so long and that they only caught a glimpse of me before we were in class. That was the idea, I wanted to tell them. But I wasn't going to speak and not only that but I was _surrounded_. It didn't matter which way I turned, there were girls. Their eyes were large with concern and they asked me if I was okay. They asked me what I liked in life. They just asked questions that were getting on my nerves. It was like that constant fly that just wouldn't disappear, despite the countless times you swatted at it.

They were leaning in closer and closer and my breathing was getting more laboured with every inch they lent in. I was seconds from snapping. I was going to do more than just swat at them; I was going to rip their legs off and flush the rest of their body down the toilet. Before I had a chance to do that, though, Kaname's voice cut through theirs. He ever so gently parted them and they squealed at being touched by the great Kaname. Zero glared, hand poised to bring out his weapon and shoot the pureblood. Kaname gripped my wrist and pulled me from the circle. We got two steps before I was forced to stop. My hair had just been pulled, loosening it from the ribbon. I spun around, ready to rip the girl's throat out that would _dare_ touch something as precious to me as my hair. She quickly apologised and said it was accident. I could care less, to be honest.

Kaname took over, though. He politely said that she should be more careful next time as it was not a good idea to touch me. In the kindest way possible, Kaname was warning the girls of the monster that I was. That I was going to kill them if they touched me. That I would rip their eyes out should they look at me. That I would cut their throats should they speak to me. I ignored his harsh words and undid the ribbon. I quickly redid the ponytail and tried to block out the ways the girls seemed to love my long hair. I didn't give a damn. I just wanted to get to class. I wanted to get away from that noise before I _did_ kill someone. It seemed that the blackness liked coming out to play around the humans. It was getting harder to keep it back but I was a fucking pureblood; almost nothing got the better of me. I just wanted this _hell_ to be done with. Maybe one day…

* * *

End Prelude.

The chapter 'Postlude' will be up shortly.

My beta reader let me down a little with this. So I promise that when I have time, most of the mistakes will be edited. However, if someone would like to raise their hand to be a beta for me, please do.

Until the next chapter.


	2. Postlude

**~Postlude~**

**Author:**

Danaeyl Panthernopaeus.

* * *

_It was refreshing._

I stared at the front of the class but I saw nothing and heard the same. I was in my own world again. It had been three days since that incident with the girl. Kaname had given me a stern warning about keeping myself under control and while I knew how important that was; I just nodded and walked away from him. I didn't need to be told something I already knew and I knew I wasn't like the other vampires. I wasn't one that was used to affection from anyone. I guess I would have to make that known at some point, just so it would aid me a little in my defence. I didn't know why I bothered, half the time.

Lightning streaked through the night sky and I blinked at the sudden flash. It made the water droplets on the window cast eerie shadows on the opposite wall. Everyone looked at the window when there was a noise. I was slightly grateful to know they were all staring at the owl that was hovering there. It swooped around outside, almost like it was beckoning me out and I wasn't going to disappoint it. I ran from the classroom. The teacher could write me up if he wanted to. I was beyond caring what my grades were going to be like. If anything, I was certain that I had failed all my lessons. I left the school building and the owl was waiting for me. It hooted at me and I held a hand out. The bird hopped on it and with my spare hand, I gently stroked the silky feathers that were soaked. Maybe I wasn't as insane as I originally thought. That had to be a good sign. Right?

In my mind, I asked it stay with me, even if Kaname was to appear. It hooted at me again and the small smile ghosted over my lips. The owl walked up my arm and perched itself on my shoulder. I sat down and watched the way the lightning streaked through the clouds, illuminating them and showing their darkness for a few seconds. It felt good to get out of the class. To get away from the vampires and enjoy the sweet scent of the rain, instead of the sweet scent of the blood that was flowing through the bodies. My resolute was dwindling and I knew I had to find a way to feed myself before I snapped. But maybe snapping and attacking an innocent would be the perfect way to end my life. They would have to punish me, if not kill me, for doing that. I couldn't bring myself to do it, though. At least, no consciously.

The owl playfully pecked at the earrings that I was forced to wear. Before I could stop myself, I fully smiled and petted it. It left the earrings alone and went about grooming. I watched it for a few minutes, marvelling at the way its body flexed to reach every single feather. It was calming to be sitting in front of the school doors, with a storm happening and an owl perched on my shoulder. It reminding me of when my pigeons would flock to me and almost nest themselves on whatever they could. They were the only things I had that gave me a reason to not kill myself. Now I had no reason but there was something from stopping me. I couldn't think of a damn thing, to be honest. I had nothing at the Hikari house. I had nothing at that school. I had no friends that would miss me, minus an owl. I had no family that would mourn my passing. And yet, I still couldn't bring myself to be that cowardly that I would take my own life. I guess it was the pureblood pride that was in my blood.

I blinked when Yuuki came walking up to the school building. She grinned at me from under the umbrella and informed me that the headmaster wanted to see me. It had been three days so I doubt it was about that time that I had almost killed a student. In a way, I guessed that I had a lot that I owed to Kaname. He always seemed to be around when my insanity was going to get the better of me. When that dark voice in the back of my mind would almost win at controlling me. I got to my feet and nodded at the girl. She gazed at the owl curiously and I shrugged the shoulder it wasn't perched on. I had no idea why it had taken a liking to me. It could be the same reason why Lily had taken a liking to Zero and no one else. She nervously said that the chairman might not let the bird into his office. I inclined my head. I would get the animal to wait for me outside, then. I didn't have a problem with that and I don't it did, either. I needed to find out its gender and give it a name. The owl hooted approvingly and together we walked with Yuuki. She said it was another check up and I rolled my eyes.

A small gasp left my lips, which was lost in a clap of thunder as I heard Yuuki's pulse over the storm. I stopped walking and it took a few seconds for Yuuki to realise that I wasn't beside her anymore. I stared at the pooling water, not wanting to look at her. I couldn't look at her. I would do something that was _completely_ stupid if I did. She stepped towards me and the owl beat its wings at her. My eyes started to go in and out of focus. The pain was becoming a little unbearable and I had to run away. I had to get away from her. I felt my fangs grow and the owl screeched. My head snapped up when there was a hand on my shoulder. I knew who it belonged to.

Kaname told Yuuki to continue with her duties while he took me to see the headmaster. Yuuki looked undecided but eventually nodded and went off ahead of us. What the hell was I going to do? Starving myself was nothing like when I was starved by my family. Of course it wasn't. I had been chained up in a dungeon and I had no contact with anything that had a pulse. I couldn't see the chairman in that state. I would probably try to drain him in an instant. The owl hooted quietly in my ear as I tried to figure out what I could do. There wasn't anything I could do. My situation was hopeless but I was stronger than my bloodlust. I continued on to the chairman's office. Kaname was beside me. For once, I was actually comfortable around the other pureblood. His powerful aura kept me under control. I was a little surprised that Kaname had walked out into that weather without any protection but I assumed that making sure Yuuki was safe was more important than how wet he got.

We stopped outside the building for a moment as I watched the owl perch itself on a branch of a tree. Kaname asked me if I knew what breed it was and I nodded. Of course I knew what breed it was. I had only ever seen pictures of the Great Horned Owl but I would recognise them anywhere. I always found them to be such a beautiful bird and they were. We walked up to the building and I tried to wring out as much water as possible from my hair. I pushed my fringe back, glancing at Kaname. I never noticed the hint of sadness that always seemed to be lining them before and I found that I couldn't looked away from him. I gazed back coolly as he turned his attention to me. He said I had beautiful eyes and I glared. What did he know? My eyes were anything _but_ beautiful. They were hideous. Disgusting. No one wanted to look into them because they were the eyes of a predator. The eyes of a demon and a killer. They lured prey in easily and I knew that because I had tried it. I could murder my entire family with my eyes.

I opened the door and froze. My eyes widened behind my fringe as I caught a scent. It was the smell of Hikari blood and I was so certain I would never have to smell that again. My 'father' was there and it would explain the unusual check up time. My heart pounded in my chest and I gripped the door tightly enough for it to begin splintering in my grasp. I didn't want to see that man. What was he doing there? I had no idea and I had no intention of finding out, either. Still, I couldn't leave because Yuuki was wandering around the grounds and I didn't want to run the risk of hunting her. I collected myself and stepped into the building and went to the headmaster's office, knocking. I was granted entry and glared at the man that was my 'father'. He smiled at me and _everyone_ in the room knew that it was false. I don't know why he bothered.

My 'father' asked to speak to me alone and Kaien nodded, him and Kaname leaving the room. They didn't go too far in case they were needed. The man got to his feet, his smile gone and he was gazing at me with amused blue eyes that I wished I had inherited. He asked me questions and got no reply. He slapped me and I still refused. He changed from an open hand to a closed fist. The force behind the punch was enough to knock me to the floor. I just picked myself up and brushed off my uniform. He forced my head up and I gazed at the blood pack he held hungrily. He smirked. It was the same curve of the lips that he displayed when he saw what I had done to my pets. Cruel and taunting. He was going to make me do whatever he wanted for it.

My body trembled from the suppressed hunger and my eyes followed the pack as he tossed it onto the headmaster's desk. I wasn't foolish enough to make a grab for it. I didn't have the strength to fight my 'father'. I forced myself to look into his eyes, which had narrowed slightly. Was I _that_ desperate for blood that I would allow my father to abuse me? Yes, I was. I closed my eyes, giving him silent permission to continue. I flinched inwardly as he took hold of my left hand and moved the jacket and shirt sleeve up. He moved the bracelet to hang over my hand and sank his fangs into the vein. I hissed as he inflicted as much pain as possible. I didn't know why he wanted to drink my blood. The same fluid ran through his body but he had once said that mine was sweeter because I was pure. I hadn't given in to any urgers. That thought made me feel sick but I had to deal with it. I had to for the blood that I would receive at the end of it.

My head started to swim as my blood was drained. I tried to pull my hand back but all that did was earn me a powerful right hook to my cheek. I forced back a cry of pain from both the assault and the way the fangs inflicted more damage. He let my wrist go. I didn't have to look at him to know he was smirking. I concentrated to healing the puncture wounds as I knew he didn't care if I bled out or not. With the wounds closed, I half-opened my eyes as he moved away. I forced myself not to collapse. The blood loss and the fact that I was starving wasn't helping my current situation. I made the sure the bracelet was on my wrist completely as he threw the blood pack at me. I caught it and greedily drank the contents. It wasn't going to be enough but at least it was something. He watched me with amusement. I didn't care how savage I appeared to be. I even ripped it open and licked the inside clean.

When the plastic looked new, he took it from me. I wasn't sure if the headmaster knew why my father had appeared randomly but I didn't care. My 'father' put destroyed plastic into his briefcase and gazed at me with hatred. He said he would be back next month and I snarled at him. I turned on my heel and left the office. Kaien called out to me and I ignored him. I had a friend that was waiting for me and I wasn't going to keep the owl waiting. I got outside and it was still raining heavily. I jumped into the tree that my friend was perched in and climbed up to the branch and picked the bird up, holding it close as though I could protect it and get something from it.

My hunger wasn't nearly quenched but it was enough to see me through another month, until that bastard showed up and did something else to me. My mind flashed back to Kaname's eyes and my brow creased slightly. That pureblood had definitely seen too much in his young life. He had been forced to witness events that no one should see. It must be the curse of being a pureblood, I decided. Other purebloods were either insane or locked away their emotions. I looked at the wet owl in my hands and thought of a name for it. I didn't care if it wasn't male or that it wasn't a barn owl. Its name would be Jareth. I knew that when I was around that owl I would be able to escape to a world where I could be as childish as I wanted. Jareth would help me discover who I was.

I placed Jareth on my shoulder and climbed down the tree. I looked up as Zero appeared and ordered me to get back to class. Jareth screeched at the boy and I calmed him with a pat. I walked past the prefect but I didn't go back to class. I didn't want to deal with the others and I wanted a little time to myself in the dorm before their presence would be around me. Plus Jareth needed somewhere warm to dry off and I didn't want him out in that weather. I guess it was strange that I had gotten so attached to the bird that I was certain would send me insane. It seemed that the owl was able to piece together my fragmented mind and I didn't feel _as_ bad as I did whenever he was with me. I paused when I sensed that Zero was following me and I glanced over my shoulder. The way he said 'To class, _vampire_' made me raise an eyebrow. Just the word 'vampire' was spat like it was the poison from a snakebite he had just sucked out.

I turned to him and surprised myself when I said, "Your hatred towards me is pitiful compared to the hate I feel for myself." Zero frowned slightly with perplexity but then just glared. I turned and walked on to the Moon Dorms, knowing that he wouldn't follow me. My throat was aching from the thirst I was suppressing, from the scream three days and from talking just then. My voice sounded more coarse than sandpaper and I was astonished that I still had a voice. Jareth hooted quietly on my shoulder and I glanced at the bird. Truly a magnificent creature, I mused idly. I entered the dormitory and went to my room. I placed Jareth on the bedside chest and he shook the water from his feathers as I went over the easel and opened my brush box, staring at the blank paper. I picked up a large brush and hunted through my duffle bag for the colour I needed, trying to ignore the fact that I was drained – in more ways than one.

* * *

The next month was interesting, to say the least. Kaname appeared every night with a glass of that synthetic blood that my stomach just wouldn't contain. The dorm president hadn't said anything about Jareth, like I was expecting him to. He just glanced at the bird as I drank the liquid, wondering why in the fuck I couldn't get it to stay in my body. I was used to the vile taste of it but as soon as Kaname walked out of the room, I was vomiting out of the window. Jareth watched the routine and hooted sadly every time I was leaning out of the window.

The 'routine check up' the week my father appeared didn't go that well. I was sleeping beside the bed, as I always did and was woken by Jareth's screeching. I opened my eyes to see that Kaname was approaching me. I had managed to get my feet, only to collapse again. I needed more substance and I just knew that Kaname knew and that irritated me. The other pureblood regarded me and casually asked if I was okay. I nodded and pointed to the door. When he left, I petted the owl and changed. In my mind, I told Jareth to wait for my return and left the window open, in case he wanted to get out for a little bit and get himself something to eat. I trudged after Kaname. We had to pause a few times during the journey so I could rest. My throat was aching and all I could hear was the blood pumping through Kaname's veins. I had gripped the collar around my neck as it began constricting. There was that voice in the back of my mind that wasn't entirely mine again and I had given an animalistic growl at it. I thought it had been in my mind but I must've done it in reality because Kaname appeared in front of me and placed a hand around the collar. The heat stopped and I stared up at him. He told me I would be better off if I didn't act that way around the others. I had wanted to cry at that moment but I forced myself to nod instead and we continued on. The check up lasted twenty minutes and that was taken up by Headmaster Cross ranting about something.

After that, I began missing three nights of classes. Ichijou had approached my door but Kaname told him not to disturb me. I wasn't sleeping as nightmares plagued my subconscious. The walk to the headmaster's office took longer and longer, as I refused to rest. Kaname walked with me every time and I was kind of grateful for that. I knew he was only doing it make sure I didn't lose control and frankly, the thought never crossed my mind to hunt down the heartbeats that pounded in my ears and consumed most of my brain activity. I was constantly looking for ways to block it out and I was _not_ going to stoop as low as attacking a defenceless human or one of the prefects. I was a fucking pureblood! My self-control was a lot better than even I gave myself credit for. When we finally did make it to the headmaster's office, I would collapse into a chair and think about some way to fight off the hunger that was becoming almost unbearable. Kaien knew what was happening to me. He often tried to get me to talk about it but I wouldn't pay much attention to him. Kaname never spoke a word during my 'check ups' but I could almost hear the wheels turning in his mind over the sound of the heartbeats.

The week before my 'father' was due to show up, I actually found myself talking. I was speaking to Jareth, quietly even though the dorms were empty. The owl hooted its responses and I would smile, sometimes even letting out a small chuckle. As soon as I knew that the other vampires would be returning, I stopped. Jareth almost seemed upset by the loss of my voice but I think he knew my reasons behind it. Sometimes, during the nights I had off, I would go for a walk as Jareth flew above me. I ran into Zero twice. He demanded to know why I wasn't in class and I would glare at him from behind my fringe and walk back the way I had come. I didn't have the energy to deal with his spiteful ways and I was pissed off at my body for not accepting the blood tablets. Zero and I had two things in common. The blood tablets and a deep-seated hatred for our own lives. Neither of us wanted to live the way we were but we knew we had no choice.

The week my 'father' was to make another appearance was the worst. I began hallucinating. I was forced to exert energy I couldn't afford to waste. I would pass out and wake up hours later with a shadow leaning over me, whispering into my ear. It murmured promises of making the pain go away. It was seducing, in a way. I fought against it, though. I wasn't going to give in to something as trivial as my hunger. I could go months without substance. But with it surrounding me almost all of the time, I found that my resolute would wear down to almost nothing. Jareth fled my room and I was glad he did. I didn't want to attack him and kill him, the way I had been forced to kill my pigeons. The night my 'father' _did_ show up, I was almost killed. I had foolishly allowed myself to succumb to the weariness that clouded my mind and was woken by a hand on my shoulder. I thought it to be the shadow that had promised the impossible and lashed out at it. I opened my eyes to see Kuran Kaname kneeling in front of me. I had scratched him across the face and the scent of his blood…I passed out again. It was the only thing I could do. By forcing myself to _not_ drink that fluid was too much. I wished that the darkness that surrounded me was death but I was still aware of my heartbeat before it all faded to nothing.

I awoke in Kaname's arms as he carried me to the chairman's office. I tried to get out of his arms but he just growled at me to stay where I was. I got the feeling he was still a little upset from the attack I had placed on him and in hindsight, he probably thought he was showing me a great kindness by _not_ killing me. I doubted it, though. I got the feeling Kaname knew I wanted to die but at the same time, he was also aware that the attack was accidental. We arrived at the office and before going in, Kaname placed me on my feet then knocked. We were granted entry and I glared weakly at my 'father'. He smiled at me and got to his feet. I stepped into the room behind Kaname, who stood in the shadows after that. I did something I had never thought of doing in the past eleven years of my life – I removed the collar and attached myself to my 'father's' neck. My fangs pierced his skin and I greedily drank. I got three mouthfuls before I was forced off his body by the Kuran. My tongue darted around my lips, even though I knew there wasn't any blood on them. Was that what it felt like to be a Level E?

The insane bloodlust that was overbearing. And even though the blood I had tasted was disgusting and not as pure as it should've been, I _needed_ more. My 'father' glared at me as the wound on his neck healed. I grinned back at him, somewhat psychotically. I lost that insane grin as I vomited up the blood I had just drunk. The word 'what' slipped from Kuran's mouth before he could stop it. My eyes widened. Now I couldn't even keep blood in my body? Or did I just too much too quickly? That didn't make sense! My body should've eaten it all up by then. There shouldn't have been anything in my stomach to come up but the three mouthfuls I had taken were now staining the chairman's floor. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I do anything right? Why did my body hate me so? I could tell that I wasn't the only one taken aback by what had happened. Kaien and Kaname didn't know what to think. My 'father' just smirked and asked Kaien and Kaname if they could give us some time alone. I silently begged them not to leave me alone with that monster but they nodded and exited the room.

When the door clicked closed, the smirk my 'father' wore got a way more sadistic curve to it. If not for the fact that I had already thrown up everything that was in my stomach, I would've just then. I felt the need to cry but I kept my emotions under control and glared at the man. He straightened the jacket and flicked his gold hair out of his royal blue eyes, which were hard but taunting. He was keeping something from; I could feel it. And it didn't help that he was taking great pleasure in drawing it out for as long as possible. I lowered my eyes to the bloody mess I had made and decided I should be the one to clean it. My head snapped when I realised that my 'father' was speaking and the words made the blood in my body run cold. He told me that _he_ owned my body. I frowned as I thought about it. How was that even possible? I was my own person and there was no way I would willing give my body to him. He just stared at me and I wanted to murder him. For the first time in my pathetic existence I was never so glad to be the Hikari demon. I wanted to watch as the life left his eyes. I bit my bottom lip in thought. I wanted to erase the entire Hikari family. I wanted to leave no shred of proof they ever existed, just as they had done with me. Of course, Kaname knew I was real. I doubted there wasn't anything that boy didn't remember.

The man then proceeded to explain that he _was_ going to feed me but because I had attacked him, I could forget it. I narrowed my eyes and wanted to ask what he meant about owning my body. He told me that he had control over it and that there was nothing I could do about it. He would forever have control over my body and could bend it to his every whim. Well, we'll just to see about that, won't we? I smirked at him and he got a gleam of worry to his eyes. Not bothering to pick up my collar, I turned on my heel and walked out of the room. The hunger didn't bother me as I held my head high and walked past Kaien and Kaname. The pureblood followed me and I looked over my shoulder at him. I gave him a smile and he raised an eyebrow. His eyes flickered to my naked throat and I didn't care about the scars that were on the pale flesh. I looked forward again and almost _skipped_ to the dorms. If my father thought he could control me, he had another thing coming. I _would_ find out how he was doing it and I _would_ make him pay. I could feel Kaname's curiosity about what had been said to make me that way and I told him not to think too much about it. He stopped walking and I continued. I just had one small problem of figuring out how to feed myself so I could make the blood tablets have an actual effect on me.

I got back to my room and as I was about to close the door, Kaname appeared and said he wanted to speak to me. I blinked and stepped to the side. He asked me questions and I shifted. That wasn't 'speaking to someone'. What Kaname was doing was _interrogating_ me. What happened in the room between my 'father' and me wasn't going to be re-spoken. I didn't want anything to think that that man had such a hold over me because he didn't. That hold he held was against my will and it was probably what instilled a lot of the fear I felt. I shrugged at his questions. I went to the easel and stared at the picture I had painted of Jareth flying over a giant castle. His large, gold eyes stared out at the viewer hauntingly and I was happy I had been able to capture that effect. I froze when Kaname asked me if I was hungry. I would've thought it had been obvious, considering he hadn't smelt any newer blood on me when I walked past him. I didn't want to know what he was getting at, so I just shook my head. I could fend for myself, literally. I was a grown boy with a new mission in life.

Jareth flew in through the open window and perched himself on my shoulder. A scent invaded my senses and I spun around, glaring at Kaname. I ordered him to get out. I wasn't Zero Kiryuu! I did _not_ need his blood to survive. Jareth screeched at him and I blinked. Where were the other vampires? I had been so caught up in seeing my 'father' and feeding, then with finding out how he was controlling my body that I had failed to notice the dorms were empty. The only people in the buildings were me and Kaname – and Jareth. I went to voice that question but Kaname beat me to it, divulging that they were out for a few hours. I eyed him suspiciously. I had every right to accuse him of planning that but without any proof, it was just stupid. Again, I told him to get out. I think my willpower impressed him. His blood was intoxicating but I wasn't going to drink it. I didn't care how hungry I was. There was no reason for him to offer it to me like it meant nothing.

"And if not me, Hikari-kun, who?" I had to blink at his inquiry. It was an odd one and it raised a valid point but I still wasn't going to give in. Just because he was a royal pureblood didn't mean that I was going to bend to his every request. Granted, him telling me to drink wasn't a request or a suggestion, it was an order and I had never been good at following those.

And yet, I couldn't deny that the scent was driving me a little more insane the longer it hung around. I could feel something in me trying to make me sick at the smell and with that, I walked over to the Kuran and none-too-gently ripped his head to the side by his hair and sank my fangs into his neck. A single mouthful of his blood was all I took and it was beyond difficult to stop at that. Every molecule in my body _screamed_ for me to take more. The aching in my throat only got worse as I forced myself back from his neck and for the first time since I was five, I actually felt gratitude towards my family for all the torture they put me through. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be able to have taken only a mouthful of Kaname's blood and see that little test through.

Kaname caught onto my thinking and asked how it was going. I forced it to stay down and the voice in the back of my head told me to expel it. I jumped as it sounded like it was right beside me. There was nothing there except Jareth and I smiled at him. He hooted quietly in response, hopping off my shoulder to sit on the bedside chest. I sat on the floor beside Kaname's leg, ignoring the voice in my mind and the blackness that was trying to creep in. I could feel Kaname's anxious eyes on me and I rested my head on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, still thinking that I would love to recreate what Michelangelo had done with the Sistine Chapel. I wondered if anyone would enjoy it as much as I would. Maybe the person after me would enjoy the difference and it would make the room more unique. I had to stop thinking about everything so abstractly. It was _my_ room for the duration of my stay at Cross Academy. Kaname was on _my_ bed. Jareth was perched on _my_ bedside chest. A hand was placed on my shoulder and I blinked, coming out of my thoughts. I looked up at Kaname and he gazed back with those sad eyes.

I thought about it. I couldn't hear the voice and I couldn't feel the blackness. I didn't even know when they had disappeared but it felt good to have only me in my head again. I laughed. That action hurt my throat more than talking did but at the same time, I couldn't stop. The sound just spilled from my mouth as though it was something I did often. I had no idea what I was so happy about but for some reason with Kaname sitting on the bed beside me, I just got a strange feeling that everything was going to work out for the better. Kaname inclined his head and I didn't blame him. I had been silent during my stay and I was laughing? I would stare at me like I was slightly less-than-sane and that thought just made me laugh harder. I didn't care that my cheeks were hurting from the foreign expression on my face and I was sure that my gold eyes were sparkling in a way that was last seen when I was five-years-old. I wondered if Kaname realised just how privileged he was to see everyone how they _wanted_ to be and not how they were _perceived_ to be. I got to my feet and stretched, _finally_ feeling alive. I politely asked Kaname if he could leave as I wanted to get some sleep.

I could that he wanted to push the issue that I should take more of his blood but he followed my request. I watched as he went to the door and called out to him. He paused and glanced at me. I thanked him. It was the _very_ least I could do and he nodded, leaving me and Jareth alone in the room. I threw myself down on my bed and glanced at the owl, which blinked at me. I spoke to him about anything that was happening, except what had happened between my 'father' and me. I got the feeling that Kaname was hanging around, just waiting to find out what was going on. I would tell him – when the time was right and it was _far_ from the right time. I just hoped that he could be a little more patient with me. I bid a goodnight to Jareth and closed my eyes. With the little substance in my stomach and the feeling of the warm bed beneath me, I came to realise that my dreams were pleasant. They were filled with sunny days and mirth; something that was lacking in my real life. Not anymore.

* * *

_Everyone_ noticed the difference in me. I had made sure it wasn't anything major but I changed my aura. It was a little more friendly and open. I still couldn't stand the fan girls and still got worried every time we had to go to class. Kaname had restricted me to my room for a further week, until I wasn't half-starved and I just stuck my tongue out at him. I knew it wasn't the most mature notion to do but at the same time, my life philosophy had changed. Life's too short, so make sure your revenge is quick and you relish in it. I was going to make the Hikari family pay for the torture they put me through and for no reason. I had removed the bracelet _and_ earrings and I was perfectly fine. I had all those limiters on for nothing. The bloodlust I felt inside me was my own, from the starvation they had put me through. Slowly, piece by piece, my fragmented mind was beginning to make a full picture again.

Kaname had warned me that it could take a little while for the picture to come into focus and for me to understand it. I got the feeling he knew something that he wasn't telling me. He had touched the scars on my throat and I instinctively flinched at the touch. The others had noticed them as well but only Aidou had been silly enough to blurt a 'where did they come from?' I had just shrugged at him and Ruka glared as Kaname and I disappeared upstairs to my room. Yuuki's birthday was coming up and Kaname wanted to get her something special, so I offered to do a painting of him and her so she would have the memory for an eternity, plus I needed a little more of Kaname's blood. I had been refusing to take more than a few mouthfuls at a time, terrified that I would give in to the senseless bloodlust that was in me. In a way, Zero and I had _that_ in common, too.

Zero. That boy was an enigma and I couldn't be bothered trying to figure him out. So whenever he disturbed my walks, I just ignored him. Kaname had said that it was explained to the prefects that if they saw me wandering around the grounds to not order me back to class as I had been dismissed for the week. Zero either forgot or just ignored whatever Kaname said. I decided it was the latter, considering his blatant disrespect for us. On the fifth night, Zero found me again and I was beginning to think he was stalking me. But that time, he did actually want to find me. I could feel it. He asked me why I hated myself and I gazed at him with soft eyes behind my fringe. I told him I hated myself for the same reason he hated himself and he gave that same, small frown of perplexity before glaring and telling me not to think I knew everything about him.

I explained that that wasn't the case. I could sense Kaname was around, too and without doubt, so did Zero. Neither of us was going to call the pureblood out. We spoke, softly and almost like friends. I kept shifting every time his moon changed from curious to anger to hatred and it was beginning to get on my nerves. He asked me where my friend was and I stared at him with a blank look. I had a friend? Did Zero see us as friends? I mentally shook my head. That was just stupid. He sighed in frustration.

"The owl that hangs around with you," he growled out.

I tilted my head slightly. "Are you a naturally bipolar person, Kiryuu-san?"

I didn't give him a chance to reply as I walked off to a different part of the forest. I could've sworn I actually heard Kaname chuckle at my question but I wasn't going to pursue it. I smirked at the thought as Jareth caught a mouse and feasted for the night. I closed my eyes and lent my head against the tree trunk I was resting against. I forgot how good it felt to be at ease. But I was naturally a guarded person so when Jareth took flight half-way through his meal, I tried to sense what it was. There it was. I frowned slightly. Was that...a pureblood?

It wasn't Kaname – not nearly powerful enough to be him and I knew I was the only other pureblood at the academy. I got a sinking feeling in my stomach and I fought not to throw up. I jumped onto the lowest branch of the tree I was resting against and made my way towards the dorms. I froze and decided I should head further into the forest so I wouldn't disturb anyone if I were to spill blood. Well, at least I wouldn't disturb anyone _too_ badly. I froze again when I remembered Zero. If he was to shoot the pureblood then it would be his head. I was getting tired of having to change my direction. At least Yuuki was safely with the headmaster at that moment. I froze, for the third time that night as I leapt from branch to branch. The pureblood wasn't going after Zero. It was heading for the classrooms.

Was that pureblood _completely_ insane? I asked myself as I made my way towards the class. I saw it and my heart sank. Of all people from my fucked up family, why the fuck did it have to be her? The woman that had told me when I was five that I was a murderer: my great-great-grandmother. Her long, golden curls bounced as she walked swiftly towards the classrooms. I had no idea what she wanted in there but I knew I couldn't let her get that far. I would never forgive myself if that harpy were to harm any of the nobles that were close to Kaname. I landed in front of her and she smiled at me. I told her to get a grave and she snarled at me. Perfect. Just what I didn't need; her alerting everyone else of the hostility that was happening. With a flick of her wrist, I was thrown into the brickwork of the school building. That hurt, a fair bit. I smirked and got to my feet, walking up to her. I challenged her and she scoffed at me. She never did like me and I didn't care that she didn't like me. She flicked her wrist again but I was expecting it. Her mixed eyes widened in shock. I had my own strength plus a little of Kaname's in my body. She really thought it was going to be _that_ easy?

As if thinking of him got his attention, Kaname appeared beside me. My great-great-grandmother smiled sweetly at the Kuran. Kaname explained to her that for the time being visitors were not allowed. That was the biggest load of shit I had _ever_ heard the pureblood sprout but at the same time, I was grateful for it. I was able to keep my reaction to his lie hidden behind my mask of indifference and he kept his hidden behind that calm mask he always wore. My great-great-grandmother just smiled and said that she needed to speak with me about an urgent family matter. Kaname calmly raised a dignified eyebrow and said that she should've called ahead. She glanced at me and I gripped my throat. A strong bloodlust threatened to overpower me and she explained that I was in apparent need of medical attention. How were they doing it? I asked myself. An animalistic growl rips from my throat painfully. It was followed by hysterically laughing that caused just as much agony.

I looked at the bitch that had been the cause of my torment. Her mixed eyes, the left one being the royal blue of the Hikari family and the right being a yellowy-green, were wide with fear. With Kaname's blood in me and the almost uncontrollable bloodlust, I knew I was producing waves and waves of power and I used that to my advantage. Kaname made a move, as though he was going to kill her but I held him in place. I growled out that she was still my family and I would deal with her. She got over her fear and smirked, the same twisted expression that had passed onto my 'father'. I circled her, enjoying her pureblood scent and Kaname warned me not to do anything stupid. The other vampires had come out to see what was happening but none of them twitched a muscle to stop me. What stupid action did Kaname honestly think I would do? I was only going to kill her.

"You made this demon," I said to her as my fangs got longer, "now deal with the repercussions of it!" I stopped in front of her and a short scream left her lips as I sank my teeth into her neck. Kaname called out to me to stop but I ignored him; something I hadn't done for the last week. I drank everything that her heart produced, not letting a single drop go to waste. It was too delicious for that and I as I swallowed her life, I was aware of her power coursing through my veins. I got the feeling that my eyes flickered from the bloodlust red to gold and back.

The last mouthful and I let her body drop to the earth. I released Kaname from the hold and I knew full well that it had weakened as soon as I began feeding. He could've stopped me at any point. So why didn't he? I spun around, my eyes wide. I called out that there were Level C's heading towards the chairman's place and Kaname was gone before I had closed my mouth. The vampires of Kaname's inner circle went to follow him but I told them not to. Kaname was able to defend himself against a few Level C vampires. He was a fucking pureblood, for the love of god! He knew how to wipe out vampires with a look. They kind of, may have glared at me after I told them that. It wasn't my fault they were acting so stupidly! There were humans that needed to be protected and I knew I was going to get the blame for that. I told them to head over to the Sun Dorms and for someone to find Zero. I was a little grateful that they only listened to me because of my blood but it was enough. I stumbled back to the Moon Dorms and into my room, the door slamming shut behind me.

What was going on with me? I asked myself as I stood in the centre of my room, staring at the easel. I had almost completed the portrait for Kaname and moved it out of the way, in case I did something. I could feel the old hag's pureblood blood moving around in my body. She had a lot of power in her body and it scared me. How was I able to overpower her so easily? Why hadn't the Kuran stopped me? What was the purpose of her visit? Where had that unbearable bloodlust come from? I managed to come up with one answer that seemed fit for all the questions: I pissed some god off in a former life. It was the only thing I could think of for my current life.

I hissed violently as my body tried to absorb the Hikari's blood. It was painful. It was worse than starving myself. It felt like every blood cell in my body was being electrocuted. It was raw energy that seeped from the sky during a storm that pulsed through me and it was excruciating. I narrowed my eyes in pain but that was all. I wasn't going to let that woman make me scream in pain when she was dead. I wasn't going to hear her insane mirth from beyond the grave. Oh…Fuck, I should've done something about her body. Maybe I can send it back to my father. I gave a sinister chuckle at that thought and decided that was something I _had_ to do. As soon as my body calmed down from the power it was trying to take in.

I fell to one knee and wrapped my arms around my body. There was a crackling noise and, even though I fought it, I screamed in pain as white-blue lines streaked from my body. Whatever they made contact with was left scorched. My scream died when the lines did. I blinked and got to my feet. There was no pain, no discomfort, no nothing. It was like I hadn't even drained a pureblood and then. I knew it was going to take a little while for me to actually master the power that I had taken from her but it was something I looked forward to.

I looked around the room and cursed. Damn it! It was going to take forever to repair the windows and repaint the walls. I was grateful I had moved the easel as I had no doubt that would've been destroyed and I opened the door to my room, seeing the other vampires there. They shifted and their excuses overlapped each other and I laughed. It was just so childish. I walked past them and left the dorm. As I expected, Kaname was waiting for me at my great-great-grandmother's body.

I glared down at her then glanced at Kaname. He slapped me and I allowed it. He demanded to know what I was thinking and I was about to answer him when Kaien appeared. I blinked at his unruly appearance and was trying to understand how that man could've been a Hunter. It was just hard to see the connection and I was going to anger the man. Kaien gazed down at the woman's body sadly and I stopped myself from scoffing. That woman deserved no one's pity but I knew that I was wrong to say that. Even after death they were still controlling me and I snarled. Kaien jumped and Kaname eyed me cautiously. Kaien asked me what I was going to do with the body and I smirked and asked if I could make a call to my 'father'. Kaien shifted but granted me what I wanted. I picked up the woman's body and followed the headmaster back to his home.

* * *

I had been on my way to the headmaster's office when I sensed the Kuran. I paused and waited for the other pureblood to show himself. Normally on my trip to the headmaster's office, I would look for any excuse to take my time but at that moment, I was rushing to get there. My 'father' had arrived and I wanted to present the body of his great-grandmother myself. I knew that Kaname had questions but he had gotten busy after the death and making sure that everyone was okay after the little fight with the Level Cs. It had been two days since the woman had shown up. Any longer and her stench would've been worse than it was and even the Day Class were beginning to notice it.

I waited impatiently for the Kuran to appear before me. His sad eyes were hard and I got the feeling I knew what he was going to ask. I had let a lot slip before I killed my great-great-grandmother and the other vampires knew I wouldn't answer their questions. I don't know what made Kaname think I would answer his. So I waited while he flat out asked, "What did you mean when you said 'you created this demon'?"

I shrugged and continued on my way. That would be like me delving into his personal life. Of course, his personal life rarely put everyone at the academy in danger but I was willing to deal with the consequences for that. I was still waiting for the consequences of killing a pureblood. I knew it wouldn't take long for the Council to get wind of it. I stopped for a moment and turned my head to the side, not looking at the Kuran and said, "Sometimes our emotions do get the best of us."

I entered the building and knocked on the door. There was hesitation before I was granted entry. I waltzed in and Kaname followed me in. I glanced at him and dropped the body I was carrying. My 'father' got to his feet and stared at the woman that had practically raised him. He turned his raging eyes to me and I smirked. In a way, Kaname was a little to blame. If it wasn't for his blood gluing my shattered mind together, I probably never would've thought of standing up to my father. Now, I wanted nothing more than to remove that man from the face of the earth and rid the world of the Hikari bloodline forever. I waited.

The man wasn't going to say anything and I turned my back to him. "Try controlling me _now_." I could feel Kaname's curious eyes on me and I left the office. I knew my 'father' wasn't going to do anything while a pureblood as powerful as Kaname was in the room and I knew that the bastard was going to bide his time and wait for the 'perfect' moment. And when I thought about it, the man that was meant to be my 'father' wasn't all that powerful. It was going to fun fucking with him.

I returned to the Moon Dorms and went to my room. I was in the process of cleaning up the mess I had been making. I was slowly getting used to the idea of conjuring lightning but it was authoritative and I was having a little bit of a hard time getting it under control. I was slowly getting the hang of it. If I didn't concentrate and just released it, I had more control of it, which was just stupid. But I guess that was probably the best way for it to be effective.

Twenty minutes later, Kaname entered my room. I had felt him return. His aura was one that was demanding and he wanted answers. I didn't know what he expected of me because as far as I knew, we weren't on buddy terms. I knew I owed a great deal to the Kuran and whenever he decided to ring up my tab, I would do whatever he wanted. But I was _not_ going to tell him what happened to me. That was just something a little too personal and with the picture in my mind, I wasn't going to let anyone see how weak I had been. I was still a pureblood and I knew that Kaname wouldn't judge me but that didn't stop me from being judgmental of myself. His question caught me completely off-guard, though.

With the door closed, the Kuran turned to me. "Are you a pureblood?"

I blinked and shrugged. As far as I knew I came from a family of purebloods. But, that could be a total load of shit, too. So, I did what any sane person would do: I cut my wrist and told Kaname to tell me if I was. If he said I wasn't, I wouldn't be surprised but I think I might've regretted that decision when he caught the scent of my blood and I cursed silently. When was the last time he had any real blood? I quickly healed the wound, not wanting Kaname to do something he might regret. He nodded at me and I frowned. So I really was a pureblood? But that didn't make sense, for some reason.

"Your father is not, however."

I growled at the Kuran for using that word. How dare he put that man and the word 'father' in the same sentence? Oh, I heard perfectly well what he said but it didn't stop the fact that I was angry for him using those words. I never had a father. I had a torturer, at best. I had someone that didn't care if I was alive in the months that I was locked in the dungeon. I had someone that revelled in the fact that I was meant to be a curse. I lowered my eyes and thought about it.

Jareth flew in from the open window and perched himself on my shoulder and that was when it hit. My head felt as though it were splitting into three. My vision was dancing between fuzzy, blackness and a greyish-white haze. Jareth dug his claws into my shoulder as I stumbled over to the bed. I could vaguely make out someone saying my name but there was another voice. It echoed around my head and it seemed to be located on my right. I looked over there while my vision was only fuzzy and saw the bird that hooted at me. I smiled at him and wondered who it was that screaming. Or where that burning pain in my gut had come from.

Was that me screaming or was it Jareth screeching at someone? I didn't think I could tell the difference anymore. I think my mouth was open but if there was any sound coming from it, I couldn't feel it or hear it. Was that my bed? It felt hard. Was I standing? I had no idea. The pain made me numb and I slowly came to realise that my eyes were focusing properly. I wasn't on my bed but I was curled up on the bedside chest. I sat up. That wasn't my bedside chest and that wasn't my room. Where in the fuck was I?

Kaname stepped through the door and gazed at me with a raised eyebrow. There was a screech as the pureblood moved towards me and I hushed Jareth. Kaname explained that Shiki did not enjoy having someone crash through his bedroom wall and then curl up on his bedside chest to sleep. My eyes widened and I looked around. When did that happen? _How_ had it happened? I glanced at the Noble and apologised for destroying his room.

I guess it didn't matter anymore, I thought as I bowed politely at the Noble and left the room. I looked at the bird that was perched on my shoulder. Such a beautiful creature but just like me, it was a killer. It was a manipulator. I had Kuran where I needed him and that was in a spot to do the dirty work for me. I called out to Kaname and asked to speak with him when he had the time. I knew he was still busy and I had no problem waiting a couple of days to speak with the royal pureblood and I was aware that the Kuran had a few questions he wanted answers to. And all of that could wait.

* * *

I entered Kaname's study when I received permission. Jareth was in my hands and I went right up to the desk, throwing the dead bird in front of the other pureblood. Kaname gazed it for a second or two before flicking his eyes to me. He could play innocent all he wanted but I knew that he knew and I wasn't going to leave until he told me what he was holding back. I shifted as I got a craving to listen to some heavy metal music. How strange.

"When did you figure it out?" I asked the other pureblood. If he didn't answer me soon, I was going to explode. My impatience had already gone up when I wasn't able to see Kaname for a week. I had repaired the wall in Shiki's room as best as I could and I was tired of living off of blood tablets. I wanted to get what I wanted from Kaname so I could leave the damn academy and finish my business.

Kaname closed his eyes and I bit back a growl. I was tired of that damn pureblood and his antics. He opened his eyes again and stared at me. "Three weeks ago." My eyes widened. He got to his feet, not breaking eye contact. "Isn't it time you told me why the students here are being put in danger by your family?"

I narrowed my eyes and the dead owl exploded. He knew what he wanted to know and I didn't understand why he wanted me to tell him about it. Once I had finished removing every trace of the Hikari bloodline, I was going to make sure I forgot about what they did to me. Kaname wasn't going to hear it from my mouth and he could just deal with that fact. Instead, I calmed myself and smiled slightly. Might as well let him know I was leaving the academy.

"Nevertheless, I just came to wish you a goodbye and to thank you for everything you did for me." I turned and headed for the door, pausing. "So thank you, Kuran-san."

"You aren't curious about why your father isn't a pureblood?" he asked as I reached for the handle.

I lowered my eyes and let out a silent sigh. I didn't care, to be perfectly honest. I figured he wasn't my real father but he had the Hikari genes in him so strongly. The golden blond hair and royal blue eyes. I shook my head to answer his question and opened the door. I looked over my shoulder at him and smirked. He wasn't going to get the upper hand with me. In a way, Zero and I had that in common, too. Neither of us could explain everything we had in common, despite being so ridiculously opposite.

"He wasn't my real father."

"Does it bother you to know that I'm aware of what they did to you?"

I growled at him. "Kuran, just promise one thing."

Kaname raised an eyebrow at the disrespect I showed him. "And what would that be?"

"Go fuck yourself." I closed the door and left the dormitory. I was leaving with the clothes on my back as I didn't want anymore reminders of my time spent at the Hikari mansion. But maybe I could make a few decent ones before I removed them from existence.

* * *

End.

And that's the final chapter.  
I know there may have been a few things left that weren't explained but I'll leave that all up to your imagination.

And I hope you all have a good Christmas and a safe and happy New Year!

Also, my beta reader let me down. Please ignore the mistakes and an edit will be done shortly.

I hope you enjoyed it.


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